I'm being guided to post this piece from my Pondered Through The Seasons project again. It was posted in July when I was still on Instagram and if anyone wants to get in touch with Dr. Sportelli for me the invitation still stands. I got no response from my messages or tags.
The first people I reached out to to name drop that fancy award I got at SXSW with those fancy names attached? The New Horizon Counseling Center in Rockaway Beach to see if I could offer my knowledge to help in some way. Absolutely no response from them either.
I had a conversation with an ex-client a few months ago who has a family member that's been repeatedly hospitalized for psychiatric treatment. Within the span of an hour or two I had him seeing an entire new perspective on so called "psychotic disorders". I'd love to have that same conversation with someone like Dr. Sportelli who is in a position of influence but I can't do everything myself and still not one person has offered to help me in any way other than my parents.
Almost every image and video clip you see of me on this website is captured by me. I film myself on the Digital Bolex, Rolleiflex 2.8F, Nikonos V, Iphone, and Bolex H16. I use an extendable monopod with a sandbag as a stand-in to get focus. I can remotely zoom my Cooke lens from my Iphone. My Rolleiflex has a self-timer. Here's a sneak peak into how I got that image for today's blog post and in that first project linked above...
Since I started making original work in 2022 I've contracted production help twice. Once was a nanny off TaskRabbit to zoom my lens for me while I was dancing on the beach with a fractured ankle before I finally got that zoom controller. Second was a cam op to film me in that mansion and get that switch inward heel. I only had enough to book two half-days though and every other scene I was on both sides of the lens.
I like acting like an idiot but I also very much know what I'm doing. I wonder how much time, money, and crew it took to make that actual Donnie Darko scene on the golf course? I got the download for my idea and within 72hrs I had that shit completely finished with a crew of just me; rotoscoping out lip flap and sweet talking the golf course manager included.
How am I ever supposed to work for someone else and serve a system I despise when I can get scrappy and do shit like this? I'm here to use my talents to dismantle those old paradigms that are enslaving people.
Hustle culture is the worst and I'm not trying to show off but I get the impression people might think I'm rich or mentally ill? I'm going to be rich as fuck one day but let me assure you that's nowhere near the case right now and mental illness is a made up thing for people identified with thought and the body.
The truth is I talk about God and money can't sway me. That scares the shit out of most people and they can't understand me. I've come to realize that's their problem.
Nowadays sometimes I get psyched when a fun sign from my spirit guide gets manifested into my reality and I'll film it out in the wild on my phone with a big smile on my face. I've gotten very confused looks, the evil eye, and people taking down my license plate because they're suspicious. When I calmly and kindly tell them that everything is okay I can feel their body trembling with so much fear as they respond to me. I now know not to give them that peacemaking fist bump next time because I'm going to get a little taste of that energy swirling around in their field.
Other people are more freaked out by the fact that I'm sleeping in my car and shut down my editing company than I am. There's no one else on the planet I want to be other than me and I'd rather have my energy and camera collection than your home.
I'm pretty much over everyone except my parents and one other person nowadays 💚 If you're an old friend or colleague and try to reconnect with me at a later time, please come very correct when you do so. I always forgive but that does not mean I'm going to respond. As someone that puts their heart and soul into most things that they do it's painful when that doesn't get reciprocated. In the end that's truly on me though; I found myself within the social and professional circles I was in in the past as a result of being out of alignment with my true self.
Majewski, you get a pass for actually saying something genuinely thoughtful but I would not expect anything less from the brainchild of MeatSpins.
How does no one else seemingly give a shit about this? Are you human? Do you have a heart?
The anger of other people's inaction doesn't come to the surface until I'm reminded of all these past projects and that happened while being guided to repost the Sportelli piece this morning.
This Jeep life is a piece of cake minus having a dog for a 24/7 siamese twin but we've grown closer as a result and I'll do this shit as long as it takes. I'm playing a little game that's kinda like that one we called hot lava as kids. I call this one don't feed the reptiles.
They don't deserve my labor. They don't deserve my rent. They don't deserve my time or talent.
As much as I recently said I'm trying to take the high road, venting and expressing anger in a conscious way is completely healthy. Even Jesus was drinking wine and flipping over tables. I just say fuck and dip into that cocoa butter a little more than I probably should. A nice intentional scream inside the car with the windows closed never hurt anybody either.
If there were no volcanoes we would not exist.
Peace, love, eruptions, and spinning dicks.